“I’ve been thinking of starting a band.”

“A band? Really?”

“Yes, the thought had crossed my mind.”

“I didn’t know you could play an instrument…”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t…”

“Well, not in the classical sense…”

“The classical sense being…”

“The ability to play an instrument.”

“That certainly complicates matters…”

“That’s certainly an opinion that I can understand, but I’m determined not to let it deter me from starting a band…”

“Well, not everyone who’s in a band has to play an instrument.”

“Exactly my point.”

“Can you sing, then?”

“Not a note. Completely tone deaf.”

“So you can’t sing, or play an instrument.”

“Negative on both counts.”

“And you want to start a band.”

“Definitely.”

“Have you… Have you written any songs?”

“Not as such, no.”

“Not as such?”

“No.”

“So you can’t sing, you can’t play any instruments whatsoever…”

“Not even a kazoo…”

“And you haven’t written any songs…”

“None.”

“But you want to start a band.”

“Yes. Definitely.”

“I believe one, if not all, of those elements are very important components in starting a band.”

“Are they?”

“Yes. Yes, I believe so.”

“Oh. Well. Then. I guess there’s always my fallback position.”

“Yes? What’s that then?”

“God.”

“God?”

“Yes. If I can’t start a band, I guess I’ll just be God.”

“And your qualifications for this?”

“I’ll just set my mind to it. Should be fairly simple. I mean, it’s not like playing the kazoo or the mouth harp.”

“Fair enough.”

“Granted, if the whole God thing doesn’t work out, I think I’ll just take up juggling. I hear it’s quite relaxing.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that. Probably much more relaxing than that whole ‘who lives, who dies’ thing. Sounds like more or a hassle than anything else.”

“I suppose, but surely it’s worth it for the women.”

“For the women?”

“Surely God must get more women than even the kazoo player in a band. Otherwise, what would be the point?”

“I never thought about it that way.”