“Do you ever think about what it’s like?”

“What what’s like?”

“Death.”

“Death?”

“Death.”

“What brought that up?”

“The fact that we’re most likely going to die.”

“We’re not going to die.”

“It’s okay. I’ve accepted it.”

“We’re not going to die.”

“Yes, we are. So anyway, do you ever think about what life’s like, you know, after death…”

“Besides the fact that you’re dead.”

“Yeah. Besides that. I mean, really, that’s just the first step, right? That’s not the end of it. That’s like buying the ticket. What do you think it’s like after that?”

“There is nothing after that.”

“What do you mean, nothing?”

“There’s nothing. You die. You’re gone. There’s no afterlife, no heaven, no hell. Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

“Can I come back as a ghost?”

“No, you can’t come back as a ghost.”

“Why can’t I come back as a ghost? Surely that’s one of the options…”

“What do you mean, options?”

“Well, the way I see it, there’s five options. There’s Heaven, there’s Hell, there’s big giant observational floaty head thing - which is really more just an afterlife voyeur - there’s rebirth, both human and animal, and there’s ghost.”

“There are no ghosts.”

“Of course there…”

“THERE ARE NO GHOSTS! No Heaven, no Hell, no floaty head thing, no rebirth, and no fucking ghosts! If you don’t shut up, so help me, I will answer all your questions by killing you right now with my own two hands!”

“Hmmmm… You know, considering we’re going to die anyway, it might actually be worth it to prove you wrong.”