Do You Realize?

Posted by Ken in Articles, Ruminations (September 23, 2009 at 9:51 pm)

I was going to post something on Twitter, but seeing as how I’m “Funny all of the time” over there, it didn’t feel right to urinate on anyone’s festivities by bringing my own private reality into the fun & games.

Still, in this digital, bloggy, sharing age, I did feel like making some kind of missive, mainly because I just want to slice open my heart and let the pent up emotion bleed out. I’ve made a joker of myself on podcasts, webcasts, interviews, in writing, on panels, in person - it’s what I do. And it’s what I like doing. If there’s a grade of entertainer below “Z”, I’m probably it. One of those bizarre “web personalities” people keep yammering on about.

But keep in mind - no one has to read this.

I just feel like writing it.

(more…)



Comments: 15 Comments

A Note Of Thanks

Posted by Ken in Ruminations (February 26, 2009 at 6:07 am)

A few months back, when my mother’s breast cancer returned, I asked this here internet to help lift my mother’s spirits. As you can read about in THIS POST, I asked anyone and everyone who was so inclined to send a postcard to my mother, in hopes of brightening a very tough, rough period. I didn’t tell her these were coming, so it was a genuine surprise to her when they began flooding in.

In light of all this, my mother requested that I post the note below on her behalf, addressing all of you fine folks. If you are reading this, and you’d still like to send a postcard, please do so (and tell all of your friends) - and no, she doesn’t know I just asked that, either ;).

Here now, though, is my mother’s letter to you all…
(more…)



Comments: None

A Small Request

Posted by Ken in Ruminations (November 18, 2008 at 8:48 pm)

I’m not really known for my moments of seriousness and personal candor here in cyberspace,  so this missive will come as a bit of a surprise for those who know me well.

Four years ago, right before the holidays, the doctor found a lump in my mother’s breast. After surgery intended to remove the lump discovered deeper penetration, a second operation was scheduled to remove her left breast. It was right after Thanksgiving.

Months of chemotherapy followed, and my mother was given a clean bill and told the cancer was gone. After a few more months of recovery, she began counting the months and years that would bring her to that magic number for cancer survivors - 5 years out. Expecting she was well on her way towards that goal, she had the port that was surgically installed to deliver her chemotherapy removed earlier this year. After all, she was almost 4 years cancer free, with only one year to go.

And then, nearly four years to the day when the original cancer was found, another lump was discovered in her right breast. Surgery was performed, and the biopsy came back positive for cancer.

The bitch was back.

It was also found that the cancer had metastasized. Tests have been performed. Chemotherapy has begun again. Hopes are high that the bitch can be beat back into remission, leaving my mother many, many more years with her husband, children, and grandchildren.

She did it once, and she’ll do it again.

However, I want to keep my mother’s spirits up, and I want to utilize the power of this here internet to whom my livelihood has been intertwined for almost 15 years. And not only am I hoping for the assistance of the thousands of people whom I’ve befriended and worked with in those years, but also the kindness of total strangers.

With that in mind, I’m hoping that whoever reads this post - or has it forwarded to them - will take some of their valuable time and help me keep my mother’s spirits bright and her outlook optimistic.

Over the course of this holiday season and into the coming year, I’m hoping my mother will receive an avalanche of postcards from around the world - fun and funny postcards - with the well wishes of those who send them. Postcards sent by you, the person reading this now.

And, in addition to the postcards - if you have the inclination and means - please take a moment to make a donation to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

Please send your postcards to:

PAT PLUME
808 BARN ST.
JACKSONVILLE, NC 28540

On behalf of myself and my family, I thank you all.

bc.jpg



Comments: 3 Comments

What Would Spanky Do?

Posted by Ken in Ruminations (October 14, 2008 at 3:24 am)

spanky.jpg



Comments: None

Toe vs. Finger

Posted by Ken in Ruminations ( at 3:22 am)

I still stand by my choice. Bastards.

toevfingersm.jpg



Comments: None

Ride ‘em, Cowboy!

Posted by Ken in Ruminations ( at 3:18 am)

The lost opening titles to the MGM Westerns of the 50’s…

mgm-western-titles2.jpg



Comments: None

Boredom

Posted by Ken in Ruminations (August 18, 2008 at 7:36 am)

tibby-bored.jpgI’m bored.

Bored?

Yes, bored.

Why are you bored?

Because there’s absolutely nothing to do.

Surely there must be something…

Nothing.

You could read something…

I’ve read everything.

Everything?

Yes, everything.

You can’t have read every book ever published…

I have.

You have?

Yes.

That’s amazing. That’s, like, billions of books…

I did it last summer. When I was bored.

How could you…

I’m a fast reader.

But every…

Yes. Every.

Ummm… How about movies? Do you want to go see…

Seen ‘em.

All of them?

All of them. Some good ones in there.

TV?

Every show.

You could go outside…

It’s raining.

The internet?

Seen it all. Lots of porn and cats.

Huh.

Yeah.

I’m all out of questions.

And I’m bored.

But I’ve been talking to you…

And now you’re done.

You’re right.

And you’re boring.



Comments: None

The Coyote’s Lament

Posted by Ken in Ruminations (July 14, 2008 at 6:05 am)

lament-01.jpg

Every so often, a slice of my pop culture childhood submerged deep in my subconscious decides to bob to the surface, and drive me mad.

Like an itch in desperate need of a scratch, the latest snippet was the refrain to a Disney cartoon called THE COYOTE’S LAMENT. Well, it wasn’t exactly a cartoon - it was actually linking material used to string together a batch of Pluto cartoons for the early 1960’s WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY. The newly -produced linking material featured a multi-generational trio of coyotes - a grandfather, father, and small son - who are reflecting back on those cartoons in the context of the coyote’s disappearance in the West, as man moved in and brought civilization. Our trio is serenaded by a quartet of coyotes - voiced by the Sons of the Pioneers - with the following tune:

“Yip yip yip yowl
yip yip yip yay
We howl all night and we prowl all day…
Yip yip yip yowl
yip yip yip yee
You made our lives plain misery…”

lament-02.jpg

The problem is that this special has never been released on DVD. Or VHS. I used to watch it constantly on my family’s RCA videodisc player. Yes, the doomed system that was a glorified record player.

So, what happens when you’ve got an itch to scratch? You drag the 25-year-old player out of the attic, along with the disc, and you transfer the special to DVD.

That’s what you do.

Oh, and then you make an mp3 of the song.

Yeah. That’s what you do.

HERE’S THE MP3 of the linking bits, slightly edited to condense it all down a bit. Hopefully it scratches an itch for you, too.

lament-03.jpg



Comments: 16 Comments

Employee Relations

Posted by Ken in Ruminations (June 9, 2008 at 7:28 am)

“I swear to you, I didn’t even know he was going to show up. I mean, how could I? He’s been a drunken recluse for, what, the last 15 years?

“But he did show up, didn’t he? And you let him walk right by you. Right. By. You. And not only did you let him walk right by you, you allowed him to speak with Byllcoraak.”

“But I didn’t know…”

“YOU. WILL. BE. SILENT! I have spent millennia on the bottom, and I will not allow incompetent fools like you to upset everything I’ve worked towards. Do you know what you get tired of, when you’re on the bottom?”

“N-no, I don…”

“i. said. to. be. silent. When you’re on the bottom, my friend. you get awfully tired of looking up. You want nothing more - no, you crave nothing more - than to have someone of your own to look down on. Someone to ever so gently grind under your heel. You, my friend, were the answer to my dream. And now, I’m going to have to get a new you. Do you realize how much of a drain on my precious time it is to not only kill you, but then have to find a replacement? Do you know how inconvenient that is?”

“Please, sir! I-I’ve got kids… a family… I won’t fail you again…”

“No, I don’t think you will…”

“Have a heart!”

“An excellent suggestion…”



Comments: None

Ken-Ponderables

Posted by Ken in Ruminations (June 5, 2008 at 12:29 am)

It is impossible to be pointless.

Discuss.



Comments: None
Next Page »